In the US, it was a Thanksgiving this last Thursday. I was talking with my brother-in-law as we participated in a “Turkey Trot” (a 5-mile run in the early a.m. designed to make you feel better about overeating/drinking the rest of the day). In between my huffs and puffs (I run casually, but my bro-in-law just completed the Chicago marathon), we talked about a variety of things, but the topic of appreciation is what I particularly remember.

I was generalizing about how I sometimes feel our spouses are so concerned and focused on how much THEY do (in our family workloads) that they don’t really appreciate how much WE do.

And then my brother-in-law said,

Often, I think it’s that we don’t appreciate all that they do.

Whoa! He hit it on the head. (btw, I hate it when he’s right.)

I don’t know if you see this or not, but I think this is a core problem in most of our marriages.

What was I doing in the above? Focusing on how much I do – the very thing I was accusing our spouses of doing!

We all do it – both sides.

As long as we think we are doing more than the other, we’re going to have a hard time really loving and caring for the other. We become resentful, bitter, and generally cranky.

I think my brother-in-law has it right – when we focus on all the great things our spouses do for us, we can better appreciate them. And this is going to lead to a stronger relationship.

I was sitting this morning, thinking of this phrase for a song or poem:

“When she adores me
I love her the most.”

It may be time for me to apply the golden rule of “doing onto others as you would have them do unto you.”