On the road for work. Parked at brother-in-law’s in suburban Chicago and grabbed a taxi to the airport. Interesting driver. Syrian medical doctor. Came to America to pursue the dream. Got married, nasty divorce and now his ex-wife is basically ruining any chance he has at grabbing the dream. (Screwing up his American residency.)

Obviously, I cannot know both sides of the story. (I’m sure he helped screw up the marriage too.)

What a crazy position I was in. I have the entire world in comparison to what he has. He is well educated, moved for a better life (took a huge risk, I imagine), and is at the bottom of the American food chain (or, perhaps better said, working a position far below his abilities).

He feels robbed, lied to by the American media, by Baywatch. . .(he brought that up, not me.)

His skin color continues to weigh him down in America – a land he animatedly referred to as 100% racist. (I politely disagreed with the full 100%, but do not deny that we have problems.)

He’ll likely be deported at his next immigration court date (April 13) because his visa is expired and because of some legal complications surrounding his ex-wife.

I’ve often asked myself (and God) why I was born into the (relative) wealth I was. A relatively easy life. A life that I’m so quick to complain about.

I’m trying to stop asking that question and simply give my life the best return on investment possible.

[time passes]

I finished Lawler Kang’s book, Passion at Work on the plane. In the last chapter he talks once again about all the “x-factors” that happen – things you cannot plan for – the unexpected – both good and bad. He also talks about avoiding the “victim” status. How it’s a dangerous trap that will steer you away from realizing your goals.

I wonder if I could avoid feeling the victim if I experienced the unexpected life of my cab driver.

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I admit it. I’m a bit of a Germanphile. I’ll save my ramblings about how that came to be for now, but it is partly why I own a VW. If you own a VW or other European car, you may understand the challenge it can be (outside of Europe) to find qualified auto technicians that you can afford – and trust.

A friend of mine had a VW and came across a small repair shop on the east side of Madison, WI that specializes in VW.

It’s basically a one-man shop. I think Tim is his name – I’ll find out for sure when I go back to get my work finished up (it needed a part specific to my vehicle identification number, which meant ordering from Germany).

UPDATE: His name is Dave.

It’s not exactly as convenient to go there as it would be to go to the big auto monopoly in our area, but my friend said this guy was great – and reasonably priced. So, I was prepared to like him before I met him.

When I picked up my car, I asked Tim about his training on VW, and how it came to be that he specialized in VW. It turns out that he has a Computer Science degree. He had worked in another shop in Milwaukee and decided he just really enjoyed working on cars. He said, “it’s all problem solving, so it’s not really different from what I might have done with computers.”

[As a side note, I did find it interesting to see a mechanic all tech-geeked out with a Bluetooth wireless headset, working on his computer when I came to pick up the car.]

As to how he came to specialize in VW? He said that basically it was customer demand. He had started as serving all brands, then imports, and then finally VW. Why? Because the business was steady and reliable and he could really focus work on the things he knew about (from simply having a lot of experience).

There’s two lessons here, I think:

• Even though he was pointed in a specific direction, he chose to simply do what he really enjoyed doing – and more than likely at a loss of potential income.
• Focus – Business books like Jim Collins’ Good to Great talk about focus. I like how Tim specialized and was able to be successful because of that.

I’m reading a book by one of my old bosses – Lawler Kang. Lawler’s book is called Passion at Work. Lawler takes a very methodical view at turning your work into a something that specifically fits who you are and what you are passionate about. I’ll post more on this later as I go, but I think Tim is a good example of that.

And it’s always inspiring to me to see people living life on their own terms as Lawler writes about. Maybe this is somehow inspiring to you, too.

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There’s a show on German TV called Paare, which translates roughly as “couples.” I’ve only watched it once (we just got German programming about a month ago – more on that in another post), but it was highly entertaining. The whole gist of the show is to highlight a wide variety of tensions that are found in relationships – you know, the little things that rub each other wrong.

I enjoyed the show because it showed a lot of the common conflicts in relationships that are a result of two different points of view. It also shows the common failure of each side to see things from the point of view of the other.

What scares me is how we often let those little things build up. We start to create a little database of all the wrongs that our spouses have committed or regularly commit. We let those things build up. We make a case for how terrible the other is. And, left unchecked, this case will get stronger and stronger until, finally, we have enough justification to terminate the relationship.

That’s the problem. We laugh at all the little things (in other relationships), but meanwhile, in our own relationships, we are letting those same little things build and ruin a good thing.

So, how do you avoid that?

I don’t know – maybe just by realizing that it happens. Maybe throwing away the scorecards we keep on our spouses – focusing less on what our spouses aren’t doing, and more on all the great things they are doing. And not forgetting that to love is to give freely - with no expectation of getting anything in return.

Maybe it’s asking, “What am I doing to show my love for my spouse?”

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Like many of you, I go through periods where I really question my job, my career, and whether I’m in “the right place.”

A couple days ago, I spoke with a client in Austria. I had a great conversation. This guy was calling me at around 11pm at night his time. He was funny, interesting, personable – (maybe he was drunk? – no, just kidding!)

It’s good conversations and interactions with people like that that energize me. Even though I had a tough time traveling last week, I met about 8 people last week that I wouldn’t have otherwise met – and they were all interesting people. (Their jobs might bore me to tears, but they were interesting people.)

For me, it’s about people.

Helping those people. People like you and I that are asking some of the same questions we are asking about our own lives. People who have families and stories and lives that mean so much more than their role at a big corporate entity. Sure we run into people that define themselves by the role they play in their company or career, but even those people have something to offer (once you can dig down and get to the real person).

I have to truly be thankful for the opportunities that my work has given me to meet great people.

Have you ever thought about how many cool people your work has introduced to you?

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I had planned meticulously. I left for the airport 7 hours in advance. Really, it should only take 3 hours max to get to Chicago, but with a recent blizzard that dumped around 2 feet of snow, roads were a little questionable. I left early.

I arrived in the Chicago area 2 hours earlier than I needed. I parked at my brother-in-law’s house, took a cab to the airport.

Isn’t it interesting that even though you know your flight is delayed, they still expect you to be there as if it’s an “on-time” departure?

I think my flight finally left approximately 3-4 hours after its scheduled time.

Did I mention that I have a cold? My head is completely congested.

My flight was actually excellent. I read, worked, and listened to music. It was really quite nice. The flight attendant even helpfully stopped by to ask the person pouring into my seat from his (slightly large, shall we say?) whether he might be more comfortable in a seat behind me. This was great! And, I had even resolved that I would be positive about his invasion of my personal space.

My head remained comfortable as I blew through half a box of tissues. Not so comfortable upon landing.

I got into Phoenix around midnight. Unfortunately, I was headed to Los Angeles. And my connecting flight had left 1 hour earlier.

Hello Hotel. By the time I get luggage, catch shuttle, send emails written on plane - 4 hours sleep. Head still completely clogged, ears never opened up upon landing.

Catch 7am shuttle for 8:23 flight – I thought “should be plenty of time.”

Wrong. Shuttle was 10 minutes late. The line for check in was longer than any line I’ve ever seen at Frankfurt International (and those lines are HUGE!). And, I failed to see the sign (which you really cannot see until it’s too late) that reads, “Passengers must be checked in 45 minutes before scheduled departure.” I checked in 43 minutes before departure.

Now I’m on stand-by for a later flight.

But you know what? It wouldn’t have mattered.

After standing in the security line for 30 minutes while a TSA employee sang out what’s allowed and not allowed, I found out I had been selected for “additional security screening.”
I enjoyed my “special search” and walked casually to my gate.

I’m out of cash and the one ATM in my terminal didn’t work. Here’s to the cashless society.

One more decongestant to pop and I should be ready. If I make the stand by short list.

Oh, and why am I on my way to Los Angeles? Only the most important meeting my small agency has ever had with one of the largest high-tech companies in the world. It’s at 2pm this afternoon and I still need to iron my shirt and change (budget hotels don’t supply ironing boards).

Will I make it? Who knows?

[time passes]

My flight finishes boarding. I’m called as the last stand-by passanger. I’m on the plane. Just settled, when. . .you guessed it, some other passenger makes it to the gate and I, Mr. Standby, get to deplane.

According to the gate agent, the next available flight would get me to LA somewhere after 2pm. Obviously, not a good situation.

So, while I’m standing in front of the gate agent, I decide to check reality. One call to my travel agent had me on another plane with a guaranteed seat. Why is it that I have to call someone to help me when I’m standing in the middle of the flippin’ airport?

The gate agent offered to work out the credit (for some reason, I had to purchase the ticket to LA from Phoenix). I thought this was very cool.

I got to LA, changed in the airport bathroom, (obviously, my shirt never got ironed, but oh well) and we headed off to our meeting. The week was actually terrific for meetings. Every single meeting went really well. This was huge.

And then I got ready to return.

Remember how cool I thought it was that the gate agent was going to credit my account for the flight I got bumped from? Yeah, well, it appears she cancelled my return flight while she did that. Problem is, it’s Pacific time and after hours in the Midwest – my travel agent isn’t going to be able to resolve this for me on the fly. Pull out the credit card for the nice “sock it to ya” one-way ticket home – at least I got a seat (many flights were being cancelled because of weather in the Midwest – what a week of weather!).

This time I wasn’t as lucky with my seating. Middle seat. Guy in front of me insisted on taking full advantage of his recline feature. Woman to left is dancing in her seat to Nelly while secretively writing furiously in a notebook. A writer? I don’t know. Man to left pulled out his ginormous 32-inch wide screen laptop (yes, that is exaggeration) and begins watching a movie. No worries. I down a drink and sleep.

I finally arrive in Chicago, pick up my bags, and call the suburban taxi company for a lift. Only, there are no cabs available anywhere near the airport. Nice.

Taxi line.

Outside.

Chicago Winter Cold.

45 minutes.

I landed at 11:10pm and arrived (about 10 miles) at my brother-in-law’s at about 1 a.m. – that was after the little taxi driver yelled at me for using the taxi line when I wasn’t going downtown. Man was he grumpy. I’d describe him in more detail except I fear someone would feel I was picking on his ethnicity, so we’ll forget that whole drama.

I slept in, rolled out of bed and got on the road for my 3-hour drive home.

As I sit here and do my expenses, I can see that my cheaper, connecting flight approach appears to have cost me (at least right now, before any credits we may be able to finagle) about 539 USD beyond the original ticket price of 380.

I think I’ll be less cost conscious next time.

Oh, and I have to say that I think I will avoid both Phoenix and USAir for the rest of my life (if possible).

Fly direct.

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wound
with layers

ductape

at first,
it was just a couple

strands

It wasn’t uncomfortable

Then I noticed
additional

layers

Thick, sticky
spaces filled quickly

panic

I cannot breathe
I am round, wound, wishing to be
unbound, free

I push, flex
but the strands surround

I cannot be found

slowly losing

breath

me

–
14 June 2004
1st comment explains what I was thinking

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I’m about ready to explode. Writing is probably the safest thing for me to do. Let’s discuss this calmly in the blogosphere and maybe I’ll return to becoming something a touch more sane.

I just returned from a long week of business travel. (I’ll explain my week’s joys of business travel here in another post.)

Ever since I’ve returned, my wife has been just rubbing me wrong. Every little thing seems to be an attempt to engage me in warfare.

I hate conflict, but I hate being fired upon, too.

Today, I removed myself from the room to simply hide in a corner and hope that I wouldn’t physically implode from all the crap that I wanted to spew, but knew it wouldn’t really help.

In my opinion, here’s the core of the problem:
We both feel we had hard weeks (certainly harder than the other had) and we both probably feel we should be able to unwind (while the other picks up any necessary slack).

It’s classic self-centeredness. We all suffer from it. It’s just harder to maintain happiness when you are “in love” as “love” is almost a direct opposite of self-centeredness.

It’s a struggle to see things from the point of view of others – especially when we’re wiped out.

And here’s another catch – even though I know all of this, it’s still hard to get myself out of it. The only thing that ever helps me, is if I can force myself to do things (nice things) for my spouse. But that’s hard when you’re being fired at.

Sometimes love’s tough. But I still think it’s the way.

I feel better already. Now let’s see if I can put that into action…

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