At one point, I had thought about doing a blog on parenting, being a dad, etc. I envisioned someone Googling “How to be a better dad” and seeing my site “DadMustard” pop up on the top of the list. (My brother-in-law said, “huh, I never would have thought of someone doing that.” Needless to say, I wasn’t terribly encouraged!) I had this concept that I would write music – focusing on things I want my kids to learn or know – and then I would create questions to go along with the music. Questions that dads could ask their kids.

Of course, having worked in marketing, I wanted to do a little market analysis (ha! big mistake). So I sent my first song off to some friends and family members with the little review worksheet. I think only one of them actually tried to do what I asked (thanks Bill G.). Needless to say, I became a little frustrated and went on with life.

I haven’t really given up on the idea that I need to make the most of my time with the kids, though. Lots to teach while I got them.

Now, years later, I may not be trying to “market” that particular concept, but – even with the less-than-perfect sound of the recording – I still like what the song says to my kids, to my wife, to anyone I love.

Maybe it will speak to you. Originally, I called it The First Thing because it talks about the first thing I want my kids to know. A good friend suggested You Make My Heart Smile would be a better title. He’s probably right (Gregg usually is). So, here is You Make My Heart Smile.

It’s the first thing I recorded with my home studio gear years ago (ha! maybe that’s what the title really means) – so definitely not perfect. But I’ve given up on being perfect anymore.

In that spirit, I’ll even link here to some of the questions I had prepared for that song. At a minimum, it might make you ask whether you need to tell your kids how much you love them and how important they are to your life. Your time is limited. Make the best of it.

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I read somewhere that the 8th deadly sin was busyness. Or maybe it was hurry. Either way, hurry and busyness are two terrible challenges for me. (And the reason I haven’t posted in a while.)

Over the last months Mary Elizabeth and I started to notice some changes in our dog, Bailey (13). She was drinking a ton of water and acting a little strange. She just didn’t seem herself and seemed to have lost her spark.

Well, after I finally got her checked out by the vet (and paid for a couple sets of serious blood work) they ruled out all the typical culprits (kidney failure, diabetes, Cushing’s disease). Before the results of the tests, we thought that Bailey might be “getting ready to go.” We started paying a little more attention to her. Petting her a little more often. Caring for her a bit more. Showing her some attention. Giving her some time.

Funny. She doesn’t seem to be acting as strange anymore. Sure, her joints are bothering her and she can’t go for a three-mile run like she used to. . .but. . .

Could it be that our dog was simply suffering from a lack of attention?

Mary Elizabeth and I think so.

It’s a powerful thing – attention. It takes time and effort.

Man, and if our dog suffers for a lack of it, imagine our kids.

Just something to think about.

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She drew flowers
and birds

and a sun shining bright

Her hand held mine

She said all she could –
I love you -

and smiled

She explained the vine
and how it surrounds us

She gave me a hug

and left

me better.

–
5 July 2004
1st comment below explains what I was thinking (if you are interested).

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Time: late afternoon
Setting: my home office

Noah, age 6, enters. . .

Noah: Is it ok if I go over to [a neighbor friend’s] house to play?

Dad (flatly): Yeah, that would be fine.

Noah (stops, concerned): Are you sad? You sound kinda sad.

Dad: Not about you playing. It’s just my work today wasn’t very fun.

Noah (matter-of-factly): Sometimes school isn’t fun either. (Heads for the door)

Noah (shouting as he leaves): Love ya! Bye!

–
I could write about how cool it was that Noah was concerned. I could write about how he tried to relate to my problems. I could write about how his tone about school was so perfect – as if he were saying, “yup, some days are better than others.” Or I could just leave it all alone and let the dialogue speak for itself without comment. That’s what I think I’ll do.

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I delivered a document to a large global client late last night. Then I worried. “What if they think I’m nuts?” “What if they don’t agree with the approach I took?”

Basically, I was going to worry about it until I heard some feedback.

Finally, around mid-day today, I got the word – key people were really impressed with the thought process in the document.

I could breathe a sigh of relief.

And, it made me feel good. I did something that people liked. It made me want to do more things that people like.

Ken Blanchard of The One Minute Manager fame talked about this a bit in a lecture I attended a year or so ago. He used the example of how experts train killer whales like Shamu. He said, “Do you think they beat up a whale when it doesn’t do what he’s supposed to? No, they catch the whale performing the desired action and they reward it.”

His whole message was on catching people doing something good.

It’s an interesting managerial approach and an even more interesting approach to raising our kids. It’s easy to get caught up in the “don’t do that, don’t say that, stop that, etc.” We jump into action when something annoys us enough to want it to stop.

But when we see good, we often let it slide – or simply don’t notice. It’s making our life easy, so, no need to comment. We simply do nothing – mind our own business and enjoy the peace.

But that’s so wrong!

It’s when our kids are doing good that we need to spring into action. We need to show them how much we love it when they listen, share, resolve conflicts with their siblings, exhibit good sportsmanship, or treat friends in a loving manner.

When we reward their good behavior, they taste the fruits of their labor. And they like it.

Give it a try. Catch your kids doing something good. Reward them somehow – if only some brief words of praise. See what happens. I think you’ll be surprised.

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