There’s a show on German TV called Paare, which translates roughly as “couples.” I’ve only watched it once (we just got German programming about a month ago – more on that in another post), but it was highly entertaining. The whole gist of the show is to highlight a wide variety of tensions that are found in relationships – you know, the little things that rub each other wrong.

I enjoyed the show because it showed a lot of the common conflicts in relationships that are a result of two different points of view. It also shows the common failure of each side to see things from the point of view of the other.

What scares me is how we often let those little things build up. We start to create a little database of all the wrongs that our spouses have committed or regularly commit. We let those things build up. We make a case for how terrible the other is. And, left unchecked, this case will get stronger and stronger until, finally, we have enough justification to terminate the relationship.

That’s the problem. We laugh at all the little things (in other relationships), but meanwhile, in our own relationships, we are letting those same little things build and ruin a good thing.

So, how do you avoid that?

I don’t know – maybe just by realizing that it happens. Maybe throwing away the scorecards we keep on our spouses – focusing less on what our spouses aren’t doing, and more on all the great things they are doing. And not forgetting that to love is to give freely - with no expectation of getting anything in return.

Maybe it’s asking, “What am I doing to show my love for my spouse?”

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I’m about ready to explode. Writing is probably the safest thing for me to do. Let’s discuss this calmly in the blogosphere and maybe I’ll return to becoming something a touch more sane.

I just returned from a long week of business travel. (I’ll explain my week’s joys of business travel here in another post.)

Ever since I’ve returned, my wife has been just rubbing me wrong. Every little thing seems to be an attempt to engage me in warfare.

I hate conflict, but I hate being fired upon, too.

Today, I removed myself from the room to simply hide in a corner and hope that I wouldn’t physically implode from all the crap that I wanted to spew, but knew it wouldn’t really help.

In my opinion, here’s the core of the problem:
We both feel we had hard weeks (certainly harder than the other had) and we both probably feel we should be able to unwind (while the other picks up any necessary slack).

It’s classic self-centeredness. We all suffer from it. It’s just harder to maintain happiness when you are “in love” as “love” is almost a direct opposite of self-centeredness.

It’s a struggle to see things from the point of view of others – especially when we’re wiped out.

And here’s another catch – even though I know all of this, it’s still hard to get myself out of it. The only thing that ever helps me, is if I can force myself to do things (nice things) for my spouse. But that’s hard when you’re being fired at.

Sometimes love’s tough. But I still think it’s the way.

I feel better already. Now let’s see if I can put that into action…

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My kids worked up a song for their mom this Christmas. Maybe your kids would like to sing along?

Listen to We Love You Mom!. (4.2mb .mp3)

Keep in mind, we had to write and record this when mom wasn’t around, so the kids didn’t get much practice time! (and I mixed it a lot in the headphones, which isn’t always the best.) Alissa (9) actually recorded the little solo too - she was pretty excited to do that.

I think it’s fun and says a lot of things moms need to hear.

View the lyrics of We Love You Mom! (76kb .pdf).

Enjoy.

PS. If you liked that, you might also enjoy last year’s Christmas gift to mom, a song called Super Mom. It’s a rocker.

Play Super Mom. (3mb .mp3)

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Was my wife, Mary Elizabeth.

I don’t tell her that enough. Seems only appropriate to do that on Christmas.

To honor her, I wrote a little song.

Play The Best Gift I Ever Got (5mb .mp3).

If you’re curious to see the lyrics you can view this .pdf (73kb).

Enjoy.

PS Apologies to those who are tired of love songs. The thing is, authentic love is worth writing about.

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